


Erik vs the Alpaca

by HalfAnachronism



Series: Cherik Stuff [5]
Category: X-Men (Movies), X-Men (Movieverse), X-Men - All Media Types, X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014) - Fandom, X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Crack, Erik is Crushing Harder than a 12-year Old Girl, Erik is a Big Dorkface, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, IT consultants, M/M, erik can't seem to catch a break, sassy alpacas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-01
Updated: 2016-04-01
Packaged: 2018-05-30 15:00:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6428941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HalfAnachronism/pseuds/HalfAnachronism
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A simple misunderstanding results in awkward elevator rides, pissed-off bosses, and lots and lots of shit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Erik vs the Alpaca

**Author's Note:**

> Based on some post I saw online but now can't find.

It was a gloomy, rainy day, the kind where nothing can go right, and Erik was trying to coax an alpaca into an elevator.

"Oh, come _on_ ," Erik muttered in annoyance. No matter how hard he tugged on the alpaca's leash, it still wouldn't budge. Even when he threw treats through the open doors, the fluffy creature remained unperturbed and unmoved.

Erik sighed as the elevator doors closed. All he needed to do was go down one floor into the basement where he worked as an IT consultant, but the alpaca was quite determined to stare blankly at the wall as Erik pleaded with it to move. He just couldn't figure out why the animal didn't want to go on the elevator: just minutes ago it had been following Erik around gleefully. And it wasn't as if they would've been cramped in the elevator, which was quite spacious and had been completely empty the last few times it had arrived.

 _Oh well,_ Erik thought. _Maybe we can take the stairs._

The alpaca looked toward Erik.

"What're you looking at?" Erik growled.

The alpaca looked away.

Erik sighed again. He decided to try one more time before attempting the stairs. He pressed the elevator button and patiently waited for the doors to slide open.

"Okay, so this time we're going to go _into_ the elevator, all right? We're not going to just stand here, we're going to _enter_ it. Got it?"

The alpaca didn't respond.

"Jesus. I'm giving a pep talk to an alpaca."

It was all Charles's fault, anyway. Charles was Erik's boss, the head of the IT department. Since it was such a cold day, Charles had remarked that he desired an alpaca. Erik wasn't exactly sure what Charles wanted with an alpaca, because all the information he had came from Charles's statement earlier: "Shit, it's freezing. I want an alpaca. Mmm... snuggly."

Maybe 'I want an alpaca mmm snuggly' wasn't a good enough reason for Erik to go out on his lunch break and purchase an alpaca for his boss, but the fact that he'd had a crush on Charles for months was motivation enough. All he wanted was to make Charles happy, and this seemed a perfect opportunity to do so.

Suddenly, the elevator doors opened, revealing a large amount of people inside the elevator.

Erik stood completely still. He couldn't bring an alpaca into such a crowded space.

"You getting in or not?" said one of the men in the elevator.

Before Erik could respond, the alpaca made his decision for him. It calmly walked into the elevator and turned around to face the door. Erik was left with no option but to follow it.

The door closed in front of them and one of the people in the crowd asked Erik which floor he was going to.

"Basement, please." Erik replied awkwardly.

Erik watched as the person pressed the basement button for him, and he noticed that almost all of the buttons were lit up, as if they'd all been pressed. When the elevator started moving upward, Erik realized that he was going to be the last stop.

"So what's the llama for?" some intern named Sean acquired.

"It's an alpaca." Erik corrected, still staring straight ahead.

"Well, what's the alpaca for?"

"My boss."

"Alrighty then."

The elevator stopped and the doors slowly opened, releasing a swarm of businesspeople into the hallway. Half of the people in the elevator were now gone, which, although it was still crowded, gave Erik enough room to see that his alpaca had pooped on the floor.

Erik cursed under his breath. He probably shouldn't have fed the alpaca that many treats earlier. But so far no one had said anything about it, so he was probably in the clear.

"Fucking hell," said a woman. "Lehnsherr, did your alpaca take a shit in here?"

Erik looked over at Emma Frost, one of the big bosses of the entire company. She seemed quite annoyed over the alpaca's dookie.

"Um, I don't think so." Erik lied. Emma and Erik had been friends long ago, but they grew distant when they ended up with two completely different jobs. To make matters worse, Emma had become a bit egotistical about her superior career, which led to Erik trying to avoid her and her rudeness at all costs.

"Well I highly doubt it was here before. You'd better clean that up."

"With what?"

"I don't know, your jacket?"

"My _jacket?_ You want me to clean up shit with my _jacket?"_

"Well if you don't, it's going to end up on somebody's shoes."

"People don't notice if somebody's got shit on their shoes, but they _do_ notice if somebody's got shit on their jacket."

"Whatever. But when some big wig shows up to a meeting with poopy shoes, I'm going to let him know _exactly_ whose fault it is."

The elevator doors opened, and Emma got off the elevator, not before throwing a threatening look Erik's way.

"Sheesh." Intern Sean said.

"Shut up."

A few stops and many minutes later, Erik finally found himself at the basement. The alpaca got off the elevator without any problems, and they walked down the hallway towards the IT department.

Erik held the department's door open for the alpaca to walk through, and it did, leaving a trail of poop behind it. Erik sighed. He'd sweep it up later.

"The shit's this?" asked a surprised voice.

"Chill out, Hank, it's just an alpaca." Erik informed his coworker.

"But what's it doing in the IT department?"

"Shitting, obviously."

Hank sighed. "It's too early for this. I'm gonna go get some coffee."

"It's one o'clock!" Erik stated as his friend passed by him.

"Yeah, and there's an alpaca in the office. Too. Damn. Early."

Well, Erik had to admit this would be better without Hank around. He couldn't wait to see Charles's smile when he saw the alpaca. He waltzed over to Charles's office and knocked on the door.

"Come on in," Charles called from the other side of the door.

"Get out here, there's something you need to see." Erik called back. He could barely contain his excitement.

Charles stepped out of his office and immediately saw the alpaca.

"Why the hell is there an alpaca in the IT department?"

"Because you said you wanted one."

Charles looked confusedly at Erik. _"What?"_

"Come on, remember? Earlier today you said that it was freezing and that you wanted an alpaca."

"Why the fuck would I say that?" Charles's tone was playful yet confused.

"I don't know!" Erik replied. He was freaking out; where the hell had he gone wrong? Now Charles was going to hate him!

"I seriously do not remember asking for an alpaca."

"I don't know, man, you just said, ' _I want an alpaca mmm snuggly'_."

"I did _not_ say _'I want an alpaca mmm snuggly'_."

"But you did!"

"No, I said that I wanted an alpaca _sweater,_ not an actual alpaca!"

Erik was dumbstruck. Alpaca _sweater_. Now _that_ made sense.

Charles laughed. "I can't believe you actually bought me an alpaca."

"I thought it'd be rude to ask you _why_ you wanted an alpaca so I just got one."

"But why did you care in the first place?" The jokey tone Charles had been using was beginning to fade away.

"I don't know. I just wanted to make you happy."

"Well, this _is_ quite an amusing situation. I bet that thing's shat all over this place."

"Oh yeah."

"Yikes."

"Yeah." Erik bit his lip. "Look, I'm sorry about this–"

"It's fine, Erik. Really. I just can't believe you went out and bought me something just because I said I wanted it."

"It was surprisingly easy to find an alpaca, actually."

"But you still bought me something. That's incredibly sweet, Erik." Charles looked at Erik, who was blushing a bright shade of crimson.

"Yeah..." Erik fidgeted with his clothes awkwardly. "Um, you maybe wanna get coffee sometime?"

"That sounds lovely. In fact, I could go for some coffee right now. I'm sure Hank could watch this little guy when he gets back from wherever he is now."

"Awesome." Erik replied.

 

 

~ approximately eight months later ~

 

 

"Erik, have you seen my file?" Charles inquired, walking into the living room of the apartment he and Erik now shared. Erik was reclining on the couch, reading a book.

"You mean the one Calliope is sitting on?"

"Lovely." Charles shooed the alpaca away from his file.

"What's that file even for?"

"Some report I have to do for the big wigs upstairs. It's completely unnecessary, actually, just a review on how and what our department is doing."

"Let me guess: the lovely Miss Emma Frost assigned it?"

"Yep."

"Of course."

Charles sat on the couch and leaned up against Erik. "Why does she hate us so much?"

"Remember when I first bought Calliope and had her at work?"

"Mmhmm."

"Calliope may or may not have shat near-slash-on Frost."

"Well that's fantastic."

"Yeeeah."

"At least she's potty trained now. Can't have a house alpaca that isn't potty trained."

"But of course."

Erik and Charles laughed, and smiled as they watched Calliope get up, waltz over to the couch, and plop down on top of them.

"Well, this is quite uncomfortable," Charles said with a smirk.

"Callie, do you mind?" Erik sassed the alpaca.

Calliope just stared at him.

It was a gloomy, rainy day, the kind where nothing can go right, and Erik was trying to coax an alpaca off of his boyfriend.


End file.
